“If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.”
–Muhammed Ali, to a young boxer
Years ago, a hilarious friend of mine gave me this little book as a joke. And I have thoroughly enjoyed it. It’s absolutely hilarious and endlessly entertaining. I just had to put this on my bookshelf to spread the amusement.
Most of these insults and comebacks wouldn’t really be used in a serious situation. But they sure are amusing.
You’re dark and handsome. When it’s dark, you’re handsome.
If brains were taxed, you’d get a rebate.
You’re better than Ambien. And cheaper.
Your personality’s split so many ways you go alone for group therapy.
You’re a few Bradys short of a bunch.
What exactly does your big head compensate for?
(to a liar) You’d make a great politician.
You lie like a rug.
That insult was out of date when Adam used it on Eve.
However, there are a few lines in this book that have some potential be used in a real-life situation.
Brains aren’t everything. In fact, in your case they’re nothing.
You really earned that BS degree, didn’t you?
When something happens to you over and over again, what do you think is the common denominator?
Peppering your speech with foreign phrases does not endear you to others.
The next time I need an unsolicited and uninformed opinion, I’ll know where to go.
My favorite section of all is the “Famous Lip” section, featuring famous insults and comebacks from well-known people.
Do you mind if I sit back a little? Because your breath is very bad. –Donald Trump, to Larry King
A genius with an IQ of a moron. –Gore Vidal, on Andy Warhol
He’s the type of man who will end up dying in his own arms. –Mamie Van Doren, on Warren Beatty
I have tried lately to read Shakespeare, and found it so intolerably dull that it nauseated me. –Charles Darwin
Bessie Braddock: Mr. Churchill, you are drunk! Winston Churchill: Yes, madam, and you are ugly. But in the morning, I will be sober.
grace goldoni's bookshelf 